This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
