Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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