The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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