I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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