Umm I'm too high to move.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
