they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think your dad took our porno
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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