did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the condom got lost in my hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
