she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
