Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
