To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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