"it" just moved
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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