haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
