halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
