I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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