Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
