Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
