he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
