he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
