All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
