DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
