i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
