I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
