Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
