Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
