you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
where are you?
Hypothermia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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