shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
