Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
