I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
