In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
