i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
