He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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