i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
