You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Church boner. Awkwardddd
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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