Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
