so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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