so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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