I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize