We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
