really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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