i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
