I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
