You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
