I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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