I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
