i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wear drunk well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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