I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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