I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
