My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
