I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were destined to go to rehab together
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize