Did you just see the Batmobile???
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
