please come you make the beer taste better
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
