Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
