It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
