just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
