I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
