chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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