you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
