Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
