I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
