Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
