I puked a lego.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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