I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
