i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
