Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
false alarm, still single
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
