Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
