kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
