are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
