so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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