The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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