I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
