He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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