Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
