Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
