Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
