My first STD was from a foam party
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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