I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
